Saturday, May 8, 2010

Mother's Day is just too hard ...

There are times that I wish that we could get rid of Mother's Day ... It's just too hard.  I get upset about it every year, and have since I had the miscarriage in '92.  People never know how to approach this with me ... so usually in our family everyone gives gifts to all of the ladies in the family ... that avoids the awful, uncomfortable, awkward moment of distinguishing who is REALLY a mother, and who is not.  I even lied once at a store where they were passing out carnations to all of the mothers.  They assumed that I was a mother, and I accepted the carnation when I should have been honest and given it back.  The one thing that we've always had was the dogs ... so people will jokingly say that I really am a "Mom" to our dogs (but you know that really doesn't count - people just pretend that it does).  This year the holiday is again here, in just a matter of minutes the clock will strike midnight and it will be Mother's Day again.  And with a heavy heart, I will once again try to forget how horrible it feels to have lost a child.  And to make matters worse, we lost one of our dogs to diabetes in December and just two days ago we lost another one to a complication of ailments.  We're still mourning both of them ... So it's going to be a hard day around here.  I'll be once again mourning the child that I lost, and my two little 4-legged kids who shared 8 years and 10 years of our lives (respectively).


  1. Dear Amy, You are a REAL mother. Nothing can take that from you. My oldest daughter died, but I am still her mother. We both have missed out on some of the mothering experiences due to the death of our children, but we both are mothers. I am thankful for those experiences that I did have with my daughter, so even though she is gone, I can accept my husband's "Happy Mother's Day." For a short time, you knew the life within you; cherish that, Amy. It was your very own child's life that you carried. You carried that child with love. You did what you could. That is all that any of us can do. You are a good mother. Believe that. Mother's Day is for you, too.
    Sent with love from one mother to another,
    Linda H

  2. Amy, my heart breaks for you. I understand. Mother's Day was so very, very hard when we were trying and trying to get pregnant. And this year is bittersweet as well. I am the mother of a 2.5 year old but also lost one last summer in an early miscarriage and still not pregnant again. I long to hold that baby in my arms. He/She would be two months old now. I will be praying for you.

  3. Amy, 21 years ago our son was born very prematurely (26 weeks) and lived only 10 hours. I have not had another pregnancy. We acknowledge Mothers' Day and Fathers' Day to remember that time. I am a mother whose child has gone ahead of us to be with the Lord. That's not to say that there weren't sad and difficult times, but there has also been comfort. The community of bereaved parents isn't one to which anyone anticipates that they will belong, but there are many like Lindah and Theresa whose hearts and understanding are with you each day.

    Joanne, Armstrong, BC, Canada

  4. You are very much a mother though the pain of losing a child may be brought more into focus on Mother's Day. I am so sorry for your pain and loss. I hope and pray that your honesty in sharing this post will make me more sensitive to the mothers around me who have lost children. I, too, have gone through the painful process of miscarring 2 babies and have 3 living children as well.